My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
