so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
