Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
