I can tuck mytits in my pants
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well I just put wine in my tea
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
