So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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