I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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