so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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