Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
