i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
handjob tips. give me some.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
