and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
