i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
