I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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