Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
