You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
