I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
