just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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