How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
