Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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