My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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