I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if only i could text you this smell
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
