just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We are two peas in an std pod
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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