Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
