she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
