you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
