Old men and throwing up are my life now.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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