I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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