Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
