my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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