he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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