return my video game
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
