Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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