Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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