Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
