She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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