i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
