im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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