Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
