i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
