I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
