i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
