I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
