I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
