i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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