Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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