at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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