Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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