It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
