I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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