I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
