when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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