wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
