I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
