Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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