I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
