if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
