He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
