I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
