Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She bit a glass in half.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
