he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
