"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
