I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
